“When we practice dying, We are learning to identify less with Ego and more with Soul.” Ram Dass
The cancer literature that I had read said to envision the cancer cells as the enemy. The books said to imagine destroying the “bad” invasive cells by blowing them up. Envisioning the annihilation of my cancer cells seemed to me like I was dividing myself against my own body. These particular cancer cells were mine, my body had created them. I saw them as a benign part of nature. I simply could not use this suggested method of annihilation. I longed for options and prayed for guidance. The night before my first cancer treatment I received my answer expressed in the form of the most vivid dream I could ever recall.
She began her journey to the hospital as she climbed into the small red car with the person that first revealed her suspected cancer. She was startled to see hundreds of starfish-like creature emanating sheer glee for the love of life alone. They displayed exquisitely vivid multi colors. They were friendly, cheerful and fun albeit noisy as they were all trying to communicate with her at once. The woman felt overwhelming love and compassion for these odd, beautiful little creatures. They made her laugh. She beseeched the driver not to move the car until she could get the little ones to depart. They were everywhere, on the seats, under the seats, in the glove compartment, hanging off the mirror and the doors both inside and outside of the car. They were beneath the tires. They had no sense of the impending danger. They would be smashed to bits if the driver moved the car. The woman felt deeply connected and protective of these curious little creatures and intuitively knew th at they meant no harm. They were simply and totally self-absorbed in the maintenance of their own life force akin to self-centered teenagers. She did not want them to die any more than she herself wanted to die from their invasion into her body. The woman awoke feeling strong, refreshed and humored by another of nature’s endless surprises.
When I awoke I was filled with delight. Smiling, I pondered the wondrous nature of cells and the innate intelligence of these body building blocks, of which there are some 50 trillion, give or take a million here or there. Inherent in the life of the cell is an intricate process of cell division. It is somewhere within the cycle of cell division that a cancer cell runs amok.
All possible explanations aside, we now have a cell with a behavioral problem. A cell that does not play well with others, and in fact, is mutating into a type of aggressive gang member mentality that rapidly MUTATES and CLONES itself into more gang members. Their adventures eventually lead to invasion of neighboring turfs. Part of this “gang” mentality is to ignore agreed upon social rules which govern their old community of cells. They totally disregard cooperation and how a “community” should be formed and maintained for the highest good of the entire system. They do not understand the impact of their choices on neighboring communities or that eventually these renegade cells will cause their own demise. Dr. Lewis Thomas says that “Disease usually results from inconclusive negotiations for symbiosis, an overstepping of the line by one side or the other, a biologic misinterpretation of borders”.
Turning inward as I lay upon the hospital bed, I felt peaceful and deeply grateful for having had this delightful dream. The nurse prepared to administer the chemo treatment through the catheter-type device previously implanted in my chest, as I continued listening to the beautiful piece of music that I had brought along. I visualized angels standing just to the right of me. In my mind’s eye, the angels were holding large soft nets made of the finest silk. I explained to the delightful shimmering creatures, vibrant with spectacular colors, that they were in great danger of being eliminated by incoming poison. They had to vacate my body at once. I envisioned guiding them on their way out of my body into the loving arms of awaiting angels holding silk nets.
Six years have passed since my mastectomy. I am thriving in all areas of my life. I still smile when I think of those joyous little creatures that I believe are part of God’s creation. I remember their blessings as they showered me with colors more beautiful and vivid than seen in the movie Avatar. My friends constantly remark on how colorful I dress these days reminding me of the usual blacks, browns and tans that I used to wear. I just smile unless I know them well and then I say, “Yes, one of the many gifts from my cancer cells.”
